Fenris was waiting for me when I returned home that night, sitting on a bench in my foyer.  We had killed Hadriana, an apprentice of his master, saved a slave girl, and learned he had a sister alive and well in Tevinter all in one day.  But instead of being happy, feeling some joy or closure, he disappears into the ether; his final words to me before he had left were “I … need to go.”

And now he was here, in my home.  He walks out on me, on all of us.  And with all that had happened to make him leave, I had to wonder what brought him back.

Fenris stood up when he saw me.  “I’ve been thinking about what happened with Hadriana,” he said.  “I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so.  I was not …myself.  I’m sorry.”

Well this was refreshing.  Fenris was not the sort to apologize to most people unless he truly felt he had done them wrong undeservedly.  I hoped this meant things were finally looking up between us.

“I had no idea where you went,” I said softly.  “I was concerned.”

“I needed to be alone,” he said, looking away from me.  “When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment.  She would ridicule me.  Deny my meals, hound my sleep.  Because of her status I was powerless to respond and she knew it.”  His voice slipped into a growl as he said that.  “The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now, I couldn’t let her go.  I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.  I couldn’t imagine Fenris actually wanting to let go someone who had used and abused him so long.  Especially when they had such a strong connection to the one person he hated most in this world.

“This…hate…” he began. “I thought I’d gotten away from it, but it dogs me no matter where I go.  To feel it again, to know it was they who planted it inside me, it was too much to bear.  Bah!” he exclaimed, turning from me.  “I did not come here to burden you further.”

“You don’t have to leave Fenris,” I said as I reached for him arm.

Fenris turned on me with a snarl, his lyrium runes flaring bright blue as he grabbed my arms and pushed me against the wall.  His face fell as he realized that he had done, and the glow faded.  He looked at me with a mixture of trepidation and regret, afraid I would at long last turn him away.

But how could I bring myself to do that?

I smiled at him, and before he could do or say anything, I kissed him.  Pushing us away from the wall, it was my turn to be aggressive.  I grabbed his arms and took his place, pressing him against the wall as I ravished his mouth.

I could feel his hands on me, roaming over my back and buttocks.  Our tongues met as we kissed and the world disappeared.

Finally I broke the kiss, gasping for air.  My head spun as I looked at him.  His eyes smoldered and we were breathing heavily, panting for each other.  I smiled at him again and leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

“Follow me.”

I took hold of his hand and led him up the stairs to my bedroom.  Thank the Maker mother was out visiting friends and I had given Bodahn and Sandal the night off or else this would have been very awkward.

I closed the door to my room and turned to see Fenris staring at me from the fireplace.  He was nervous, I could tell.  I would need to take my time with him.

Slowly I walked over to him, untying my robe as I went.  Fenris’ gaze fixed on my hands as I undid the belt and slowly slipped the fabric from my shoulders, leaving me in nothing but my underclothes.

Fenris swallowed as I reached for the buckles of his armor.  He caught my hands before I could go any further.

“Hawke,” his voice broke.  I waited.  He cleared his throat and started again.  “Hawke you know I’ve never-“

I swiftly placed two fingers over his lips, stopping him mid sentence.  “Shush love,” I whispered.  “I know.  Just relax.  I’ll take care of you.”

My lips soon replaced my fingers, freeing my hands to continue their work.  Soon enough I had him stripped of his armor and down to his underclothes.  I finally saw his body fully for the first time.

His body was everything I ever imagined.  Lean and muscular, my mouth watered at the thought of touching his dusky skin.  Intricate runes covered him from head to toe.  I had to admit they were beautiful to look at, but I knew how much pain they had caused him and my heart ached for him.

I looked at Fenris, and saw the fear.  He was scared that now that I had seen him, I wouldn’t want him anymore.

I had never seen this side of him before.  Fenris had never let himself show anything other than fierce determination and strength.  Never had I seen him more open, more exposed.

It only made me want him more.

I gently led him to the bed and laid him down.  I propped myself up on my arm next to him.  I was determined to show him just how much I wanted to be with him.

I just hoped he would give me the chance.

Gently, I began touching him, tracing his runes with my fingers.  I felt him tense, and then relax as I took the sting out of my touch by having my lips and tongue follow.

I traced my way down his body, touching, licking, kissing and sucking, until his underclothes impeded my progress.  I looked up the length of his body through the fringe of my bangs.  He was breathing heavily, head propped against my pillows, hands clenching the bed sheets.  He was watching me, and my eyes never wavered from his as I undid the ties and slipped his underclothes off, gently urging his hips off the bed to do so.

Finally I saw all of him.

The runes stopped short of his manhood, standing firm and proud from the rest of his body now that it was freed.  Nestled in a thatch of dark curly hair, a bead of moisture glistened at the tip.

“Hawke,” Fenris groaned before I shushed him.  I continued my previous ministrations and gently ran my hand over his shaft.

I heard his swift intake of breathe, then a long drawn out moan as my lips and tongue soon followed.  I took my time with him, stroking and sucking.  I wanted to show him that not everything in this world was hard and painful.  I looked up at him again and saw that his eyes were closed, sweat beading on his forehead.  I knew he was close.

“Hawke, please,” he whispered as I stroked him faster and faster.  I ignored his pleas, focusing on bringing him to the conclusion I knew he was fast approaching.

His breathing grew more labored, he began thrusting his hips, faster and faster into my hot wet mouth as he reached the edge of no return.

I knew when he was ready.  I felt him pulse in my mouth and hand as he arched his back and bellowed my name.  I pulled away as he came, letting his seed splatter over his belly as I milked him for every drop.  Finally his body stilled and he collapsed back into the bed.  His breathing grew calm and he looked at me, sated.

I smiled at him as I stood up and went over to my dressing table, picking up the cloth and bowl of water there.  I returned to the bed and began to gently clean him.  Fenris said nothing, just watched as I drew the cloth slowly across his belly, my hands gentle and sure.  I could only imagine what was going through his head right now.

When I finished, I set the bowl aside and lay in bed next to him, propping my head on my fist I looked down at him.

“I take it you enjoyed that?” I asked with a grin on my face.

“It was…good,” he said hesitantly.  “But what about you?”

I gently stroked his face as I looked into his eyes.  “I wanted to give you something first,” I whispered.  “I wanted to show you that life isn’t always harsh and painful.  There can be good and joy in it too.”

Fenris looked away from me as he fought to keep his emotions in check.  I took his chin in my hand and slowly turned his head back so he faced me again.

“Besides love, we have all night and I am nowhere near done with you yet.”

Part 2