Part 1

We lay in bed together quietly for a few moments, with Tanis curled up into my chest.  I had no doubt she could hear my heart beating and I think it soothed her.  She was still in her underclothes, the only thing separating our bodies.  I had my arm around my shoulders and was softly stroking her arm.

“What now?” I asked nervously.  Tanis raised her head off my chest to look at me.  “It’s your turn now, if you’re ready,” she said.  I looked at her, confused.

“You remember what I did?” she asked.  My heart started beating faster as I nodded.  I doubt it would be something I would forget anytime soon.   I had willingly given myself to Tanis, and she had…taken me, slowly and gently.  She showed me the pleasures that I never imagined my body could feel, let alone with another person.

“That’s all you need to do,” she whispered as she kissed my cheek.  “But I know this is new to you, so I won’t push.”  I nodded again, throat tightening at the swirl of emotions going through me as she laid her head back down on my chest.

I continued to stroke her arm, gods I was nervous!  If I had ever been with a woman before I was branded, the knowledge had been lost long ago.  As far as I knew I was as innocent as a maid.  Well, less so now after what Tanis had done to me moments ago, but I still felt nervous.  Lost and adrift, I didn’t know how to proceed.  So I did the only thing I could think to do.

Slowly I worked my hand off her arm and down her back, relishing in the feel of her skin against mine.  She made a soft noise of contentment deep in her throat, and that encouraged me.

Wrapping my long slender fingers around her shoulder, I gently pulled until she was lying on her back on top of my arm.  I let my eyes take their fill of her for a moment, taking in the sight of her long slender legs, taught smooth belly, and enticingly full breasts sill hidden by her underclothes.

Leaning over her, I placed a kiss on her shoulder as my hand traced around her stomach, up her ribcage, until I cradled the warm fullness of her breast in my hand.  Tanis arched her back, pushing herself into my touch, emboldening me further.  Lowering my head, I suckled her nipple through the cloth of her underclothes, a thrill going through me as I heard her gasp.  I laved the hardening bud with my tongue before I gently pushed the offending cloth out of my way and tasted her flesh for the first time.  Gods she tasted sweet.

I let my hands roam up and down the smooth, warm length of her, swiftly followed by my lips and tongue.  I undid the ties of her underclothes and soon had them out of my way, reveling in the little panting noises she made as I continued to explore her body.

Running my hand over the white curly hair at the apex of her thighs, I felt Tanis spread her legs in invitation for me to explore her further.  I was more than happy to oblige.  Slowly I let my fingers stroke her, probe her, until she was thrusting her hips at me, wanting something.  I looked up at her as I continued to tease her, a question in my eyes.

She saw that look, her face flushed with passion and need, and she nodded her head.  That was all I needed to slide one finger deep inside her.  She felt so wet, so warm, so tight I worried if I would hurt her.  But Tanis just moved her hips faster, rocking them against my finger as I returned my attention to her neglected breasts, slipping another finger inside her as I did so.

“Fenris,” she whispered as I continued to play with her body.  “Fenris please.”  I felt myself grow hard at those words as I withdrew my fingers from inside her.  Rolling over on top of her, I settled myself between her legs, my manhood reaching for her.

It took everything I had to hold myself there, but I did it.  I had to ask her one thing.  I had to know.  I prayed it wouldn’t be the answer I feared.

“Are you sure?” I croaked, praying she wouldn’t turn me away at the last.  My heart soared as I saw her nod, and whisper one word: “Now.”

With a groan I let myself sink into her, her sheath encompassing me fully.  It was glorious.  I threw my head back as I slowly started to rock my hips against her.  I heard her whimper in pleasure as she wrapped her legs around me and grabbed hold of my shoulders.

I was lost.  Lost in the feel of her, the smell, taste, and lost in the cacophony inside my head.  A confusing jumble of images, names, faces swirled as we rocked against each other, each straining for something we knew was near.

I knew them!  Some small part of me recognizing these images being from the life I had so long ago but just as quickly as they came, they were gone again, leaving me with the rising tide of my lust as I thrust faster into the woman I had come to love over these long years together.  The woman who had taken me, body and soul, and who I was determined would scream my name before the night was through.

Coming back to the present I heard Tanis’ panted instructions. “Faster!” she cried.  “Oh Fenris, harder!”  Rearing back and grasping her hips, I obliged her as filled her over and over again.  Suddenly arching her back, I felt her contract around me, pulsing as she screamed my name.  Bellowing my pleasure, I swiftly joined her over that deliciously wonderful edge, my hot seed filling her womb.

Collapsing on top of her, I listened to her gasp for air as she went limp around me.  “Oh gods Fenris,” she groaned.  Alarmed I slid off her, my eyes darting over her body. “Did I hurt you?” I asked afraid.  Tanis saw the look on my face and laughed.  “Oh no, not at all love,” she gasped, bringing her hand up to cup my face.  “It was wonderful,” she whispered.

Wrapping my arms around her, she buried her face into my chest again, and we lay there in the afterglow of our lovemaking until I felt her body relax into sleep.

Sleep was more elusive for me.  My mind kept rolling over the possibilities of what I thought I saw.  Was it truly my past?  Did I remember it?  Why did I forget again so swiftly?

As I lay there, holding the dearest thing in the world to me, in the one place in the world I was safe, staring up at the canopy above her bed and I was scared.

*****

I woke up some time later and saw that the bed beside me was empty.  I looked over to my right and saw Fenris standing before the fireplace, fully dressed with his back to me.

“Was it that bad?” I asked with a smile.  Fenris turned to me when he heard my voice.

“I’m sorry…it’s not…it was fine,” he stammered.  The smile fell from my face as I looked away from him.  Well that was something a girl always wanted to hear after her first night with a fellow.

“No, that is insufficient,” he continued, drawing my gaze back to him.  His eyes locked with mine.  “It was better than everything I could have dreamed,” he said.  My heart warmed at his words.

“Your markings, they hurt don’t they?” I asked, taking a wild stab at what was wrong.  I had a feeling I wasn’t far off the mark.

“It’s not that,” Fenris shook his head.  “I began to remember … my life before.  Just… flashes.  It’s too much, this is too fast.  I cannot …do this!” He turned away from me and began pacing.

“You’re life before? What do you mean?” I asked as I sat up on the bed.  Fenris had never really spoken of a life before his being branded with the runes, and I always suspected there was one and my suspicions have all but been proven with Hadriana’s admission of Fenris having a sister.  But no one truly knew before now for precisely this reason.  The ritual was so painful it had wiped away everything he had known before.

“I’ve never remember anything from before the ritual,” he admitted.  “But there were…faces…words.  And for just a moment I could recall all of it!  And then it slipped away.”

“Don’t you want to get your memories back?” I asked confused.  I thought this would be a good thing.  Remembering all that he had lost, maybe he could get it back.  Find the rest of his family.

Fenris turned on me with a growl.  “Perhaps you don’t realize how upsetting this is.  I’ve never remembered anything.  And to have it all come back in a rush only to lose it … I can’t!  I can’t,” he finished brokenly.

I felt my heart breaking even as I denied it.  He was going to leave after all this?  “We can work through this.” I said, pleaded with him.

“I’m sorry, I feel like such a fool.  All I wanted was to be happy,” he whispered. “Just for a little while,” Fenris turned his back to me one last time and walked away.

“Forgive me.”

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