Blood, guts, glory, and demons.  What more could a girl ask for?

Well, aside from a faithful husband who won’t condemn her to the pits of hell.

Dante’s Inferno, released in 2010 and inspired by the 14th century epic poem The Divine Comedy, is a wonderful mix of good story, great graphics, and awesome button mashing combos.

You play Dante, a Templar knight fighting to free the holy land from the heretic pagans, who has to descend into the pits of hell to save his beloved wife Beatrice.

See, Dante was a naughty, naughty boy.  He swore to Beatrice that he would be faithful and protect her brother, and failed spectacularly on both counts, thus forfeiting her soul to Lucifer…somehow…

Anyway, you are now on a mission to free your beloved, pure souled and beautiful Beatrice from Lucifer’s clutches before she becomes his queen.  In order to do that, you are guided by the shade of Virgil through the seven layers of hell, fighting the various damned souls, demons, and mini bosses of each level.  You can cleanse or punish these souls, and collect them to upgrade your abilities.

Now your abilities are pretty straightforward and simple.  Early on in the game, you fight the Grim Reaper himself, and gain his scythe which is your melee weapon for the rest of the game.   You also get a hold of Beatrice’s cross which emits a burst of holy light at your enemies and that’s your ranged weapon.

Now both the cross and the scythe have different abilities: ‘holy’ for the cross which upgrades its power, how fast you can use it, and things such as health and mana; and ‘unholy’ for the scythe which is really appropriate because once you level up enough you can do some pretty awesome unholy damage with that thing.  You can do ‘holy’ and ‘unholy’ damage with a lot of attacks, and the more damage you gain for either side, the more xp you earn for that branch, and the more abilities you can purchase for that branch.  Basically instead of leveling up and choosing what to toss your stats into, you kinda  need to choose from the start what you want to level up in so you can gain the xp for that tree and purchase some of their really nifty abilities.

You can also collect relics that augment your weapons, spells,  and default abilities.  You’ll also come across special souls based on historical figures that you can ‘punish’ or ‘absolve’ for bonus xp and souls, as well as a lot of quick time events which can serve the same purpose.

And of course the final boss is Lucifer himself.  Apparently you are the key to releasing him unto the world of man, and now you have to duke it out, winner takes the world.  The battle is in two stages:  Giant ass statue and you-sized Lucifer.  Both are relatively simple and easy provided you know your combos and follow the quick time events.

I am however a little confused with the battle tactics of the Dante-sized Lucifer.  He’s throwing spells at you, tossing you around, when really all he has to do is give you a good whack over the head with his ginormous shlong and he can dance on your corpse with impunity.

Think I’m kidding?  Google it.  Seriously.  You won’t find any good pictures, but you’ll find plenty who agree with me.

Seriously that was just too much wang…

Aside from the obvious anatomy jokes at the end, Dante’s Inferno is all in all, not a bad little button mashing action adventure, and is actually the first non-RPG game I’ve played that I’m actually looking forward to playing again.

Enjoy folks.